Member Spotlight

Dr. Alexis Mayfield (she/her) is a roun’ da way jawn, scholar, and artist. Alexis explores pleasure as epistemology and play as methodology and their inherency to Black femme’s survival and freedom. In her art, Alexis utilizes play, experimentation, and ancestral connection to make meaning of her senses. In her free time you can find her watching TV, trying new recipes, or twerking in the mirror.

Instagram: @dr.lexplicit

"Feeling My Way to Full Body Yes"

There is something about "sure" that feels uncertain which is ironic given what the word actually means. The truth of the matter is that we far too often use "sure" to offer an uninterested or indifferent "yes." I mean just the other week I found myself having another conversation with a cishet man about how noncommittal and nonchalant "sure" seems and my Leo ass needs far more enthusiasm than that in all of my relationships — platonic, familial, romantic, and sexual alike.

In a moment of reflection prompted by learning I am a Generator in Human Design, I realized that even if I don't often say "sure" I find myself saying yes to things with a "sure" energy. It's most often when I say "yes" to something that deserves a "no" that I make my way to "sure" territory. As a recovering People Pleaser™️, I find it difficult to actually apply the whole " 'no' is a complete sentence" thing offered by internet therapists. In my experience, people don't really accept "no" as a complete sentence from Black femmes — people will throw whole ass temper tantrums when we dare assert that we don't exist as instruments for others' satisfaction. According to Human Design, it is best for all involved that generators only participate when we can offer a full body yes. Of course, this led me to thinking about how pervasive rape culture is that I find it so hard to reserve my "yes" for only when every part of me wants to say so. It also illuminates the dangerous extent to my own bodily disconnection.

In order to provide a full body yes - I have to be able to know what the fuck my body is trying to say to me. This is easier said than done given that I've grown so accustomed to ignoring my body's alarms. For example, when I was prescribed medicine for migraines I was afraid it wouldn't be effective because I have to take it within 15 minutes of experiencing pain in order for it to work and for the last 13 years of experiencing migraines I've become used to ignoring pain for mad long. For a while there, it didn't work. I would push past the pain per usual and then feel like a goofy when I tried to pop a pill 2 hours later when the pain was increasing its demand to be felt. It's not that I am just out here on my masochist tip (although I do enjoy some pain every once in a while but that's not the point here ). Working despite pain is some deeply ancestral, generational shit that I have inherited from the Black femmes before me. Dissociation is a classic trauma response that prevents communication between the body and the brain in the name of protection. As is true with any trauma response, after a while that which was designed to protect you begins to do more harm than good. So, as I work to listen to my body I do so on behalf of my foremothers who didn't have the opportunity. I am also tapping in with the sensual shawties in my lineage who were expertly embodied.

I be in the crib talking to myself, touching myself, and dancing for myself to earn my body's trust and to improve communication between my brain and my body. It's wild to see how consistent practice in this area has yielded such incredible results. There are still moments where "sure" creeps in and has me in some shit that irritates my spirit; so I am working on honoring my full body no when it becomes too much. Even better though, there are moments that I could cry from how good the full body yes feels -ain't nothin' hittin' like a full body yes. One full body yes often leads to another full body yes which leads to yet another and so on - you just gotta start. A full body yes to yourself first, foremost, and forevermore is the key to changing the game.

One thing for sure, two things for certain - you deserve the type of yeses out of life that give you chills down your spine, butterflies in your stomach, and warmth in your chest.

Why settle for anything less?

(Aug 2021)